paper blade .

Monday, January 17, 2005
11:12 PM

Replies're in the previous comment box.

---------------------------------------

I've questions to ask, but I can't put them in words. Some, I can't even put my finger on it. Is it common to feel this much doubt, mixed with that much anxiety? Now? Because it's causing me to spin in circles, my mind to crack, my heart burdened.

If it's real, am I still suppose to contemplate? I know true feelings rise thru bumps and spins, rain and shine, and endure the cruel torment of words both said and unspoken, but is it suppose to begin so soon? It's making me feeling disoriented, muddled. And what's not helping, are words mismatched with actions, unfeeling yet genuine, or so I think as much.

Settling for half, for feelings, I thought wld b best. Yet my heart proves me wrong, leading me astray. Perhaps I'm thinking too much, paranoid. Perhaps the situation's such. Perhaps.. Perhaps.. An almost never ending chain of guesses, a lack of assurance of which is right. All flustered with questions. But what are they, I know not.

Mayb this's what I'm getting for blocking ppl out, ppl who offered to care, ppl who offered a shoulder forever there. But can I not go thru this maze? It's getting me dizzy. I just need to cry into my pillow till I dry out. I need to scream though there's noone there to hear me. I need solitude. To b stranded. Unclaimed. If it's what I deserve.

Enough of errs, I want never to commit them again. Enough of pain, I feel them not. Enough of insecurity, I've myself to fall back on. Enough of being buried neck-deep in questions and doubts, I'm the captain of my life.

Thank you, blog. It's a load off my back.

Comments: Post a Comment